One of the things I’ve prided (key word) myself on over the last 10 years has been my consistent ability to turn off my work and go home to my family. I’m thankful to say that I am the kind of guy who made it through graduate school without killing my marriage. We actually loved our time in seminary – we played on sports teams, watched ER, and even went to movies (when we could afford it). Then when I got into the working world I kept to my guns. I loved working at North Point. I had a great role in the equipping department. It was a blast to see so much life change and get to be part of such an incredible organization. My boss actually encouraged me to “cheat at work.” So as we started a family I showed up in the driveway like clockwork at 5pm and rarely went back out for evening ministry. I was the model husband (at least in one area :-)
So, as we took on this new church-planting endeavor obviously I planned to keep up my “winning ways” in this area of life. I’m sure I even bragged about it at some time. Let’s circle back around to that “p” word in the first sentence. The book of Proverbs (18.12) says, “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud.” I don’t really like the word downfall as it relates to my life, but in this area it’s accurate. As I reflect on an incredible year of ministry I have so very much to celebrate, but one of the things I lament is my shortcoming in this key area of my life.
(Here come the excuses) For the first time I’ve had wifi in my house and I have a cell phone with email capabilities. Needless to say each of them have had a significant workout in this past year. Most importantly I dug a bit of hole with my family this year. I non-verbally communicated to them that they were 2nd place in my life. This breaks my heart to recognize. This is a message I never want my family to hear.
It all came to a demoralizing climax recently when my dad had my two boys for the day. My 5-year-old son said “papa, I want a Batman computer for Christmas.” Dad said, “why.” My son replied, “So I can work on my computer like Daddy. He works on his computer all the time and I want to be able to work with him.” My dad shared this with me and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I already knew I was a bit out of bounds in this area, but this comment from my ever so moldable son confirmed my fear. I have been cheating my family for the sake of my “ministry” this year. It would be very easy to spiritualize this situation and say I was doing it for the sake of the gospel, but I really don’t think that’s the case. I think I’ve checked emails, returned calls, and worked on things from home so I can build a successful church that will make me look impressive to those around me. There is no doubt that I love God and the people of Athens. I desperately want to help them come into a real relationship with Jesus Christ. However, at the same time I battle the temptation to build an impressive church for the sake of my ego. I’m like every other man who attempts to build a kingdom to prove he’s valuable and “has what it takes.” I think this is what has driven me to cheat my family in 2005 and this makes me really sad. Essentially I’m recognizing that I sacrificed my family this year to some degree on the altar of my sense of self-worth. I hate saying it like this because it sounds so bad, but it is completely true.
I know starting a business is hard for anyone and I know that the move to senior leadership is a demanding transition in any professional arena. I also know that I didn’t totally abandon my family. But I know I didn’t communicate the message I want to send. So, this year I will pray that God will lead me victoriously in this area of my life. I pray my family will hear loudly and clearly that they are my number one priority.
