Preparing My Heart

I'm reading a book called "The Lost Daughters of China." It's a great book written by a lady who adopted a little girl from China. God is really using it to move my heart and help me better understand the adoption process. I really don't know how all of this is impacting my life right now, but I know it's lingering in the back of my mind at all times. There is so much about this journey that I don't really understand. I've zealously stepped into this adventure and I really don't know what it all means. Either way, I sense that God has led us to do this beautiful thing and I know it's going to be a huge blessing to our family. It's going to stretch us in some great ways. I know it will be life-changing for one special little girl named Ellie.

5 Things God Uses

We're starting a new series tomorrow called "IGNITE." The big idea of the series is this, "More than anything, God wants us to trust Him, so He's committed to helping grow our faith." Through the years we have observed at least 5 things God uses to help grow our faith. We're going to spend a week discussing each of them. We call them the 5 faith catalysts and they are:
Providential Relationships
Pivotal Circumstances
Private Disciplines
Practical Bible Teaching
Personal Ministry
I pray this series will be a key time in the life of our church for our faith to grow in individually and corporately. I long for us to be a people who greatly trust our great God!

My Anxious Thoughts

One of the great temptations in my life is to live in fear. This could be in any are of my life – the safety of my children, whether or not people will follow my leadership, my communication opportunities, my financial future, my health, etc. I daily sense the fear of “life going wrong” creeping up in my thoughts. The desire of the temptation is to dominate me and my day. This has surely happened at times, and when it does I’m no good. I’m impatient, judgmental, critical, and I live with no energy in life. I’m exhausted when I live like this. I can’t enjoy things and I rarely smile. My life feels heavy.

So, on a moment by moment basis I have to fight the temptation to worry unless I want to be dominated by it. Actually I’m of the impression that fear is the great enemy of faith. I know that my life is totally different when I’m living with faith. Not necessarily faith that everything will work out the way I want (I’ve lived enough life to know this isn’t a realistic hope. Rather, faith that God is enough for me and will sustain me no matter what life throws my way.

I came across this passage again recently and it is a prayer I want to keep on the tip of my tongue. Psalm 139.23 – Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me in the path of everlasting life.

This is how I want to live my life and I really believe it’s the abundant life that Jesus came to offer (John 10). Jesus actually commanded us to not be anxious about anything. Worry and anxiety scream out at God, “You can’t take care of me!” But this is so far from the truth. I know God is more than able to sustain me through any set of circumstances. He doesn’t delight in my experiencing pain or discomfort. As a matter of fact, one day He has vowed to remove it all (Rev 21.4).

So, if you’re looking for a way to pray for me (and I’m sure you are :-); you can pray that I will continue to make the decisions moment by moment to trust that God is enough for me and to walk in His joy!

Banner Ads

We have just added banner ads to our site to help people invite friends. Here is the link to that part of our site and a sample banner ad - http://www.athenschurch.com/pause_ads.asp

Perfect People

When we moved to Athens our heart's passion was to start a church which would help spiritual seekers find the Truth. The goal was not to start a church that would only draw people from other churches. Our goal was not to reach discontent churched people, however this is what often happens with a new church. People are often very willing to leave their current church to try something new. This has more to do with the dysfunctional nature of churches than anything else.

We're now almost 2 years into this journey and I think we still have a long ways to go when it comes to reaching unchurched people. God has been very gracious to us thus far - we have grown numerically and financially. We have some amazing people who attend Athens Church and I'm honored to serve with them. I just know we have so much more potential in the arena of creating an environment for people who don't yet know Jesus. There is such a great need in this city. There are thousands and thousands of people who don't know that God really loves them and wants a wonderful life for them.

I'm currently reading a book by John Burke called "No Perfect People Allowed." It's a compilation of stories of what God is doing in their church (Gateway Community Church) in Austin, TX. The title of this blog is a link to this book on Amazon. So far, I think this book is INCREDIBLE! I've been so encouraged by what God is doing among this courageous group of people. It's given me even more hope and vision to create an environment for the unchurched.

If you're looking for a way to pray for me and/or Athens Church please pray that we will create the optimal environment for those who are seeking the Truth to find Him.

A Big Decision?

Right now I'm feeling the weight of what seems like a big decision for our church. We are currently at over 90% capacity in 2 services at our current meeting location (public high school). It's been a fantastic location for us and we've really enjoyed it, however, we just don't have that many empty seats at optimal inviting hours.

So, we are investigating three options:
1. Doing more services at our current location. We are requesting permission for this now.
2. Moving to another bigger rental location. We're investigating all our options in town currently.
3. Leasing and renovating an existing location. This seems to be the most affordable option to have a space 24/7, but it's still not cheap at all.
4. Buy property and build a building. This is an exciting thought, but totally unrealistic at this stage of the game for us.

This is the question I'm asking, "What will help us reach the most people in this city?" Another question that must be asked at the same time is, "What can we realisticly afford? What is a good stretch for us and what is too much?" These are the questions I'm asking at this point, but I'm not sure how we will find these answers. This is what's "keeping me up at night."

I want so badly for us to make the best decision and I don't want to harm our church or the momentum we're currently experiencing. But I'm also asking, "Where is my faith?" Is it in my ability to make perfect decisions? Is it in my ability to gather all the right data? Is a great leader the one who knows all the right things to do? Or is a great leader the person who seeks wise counsel, works hard to gather accurate data, lays all his agendas before the Lord, and says "God, lead us and we will follow."

I'm trying to figure out all of this right now. This is my faith in action in leadership in the local church and I'm grateful to have the opportunity!

Indescribable

A little over a year ago I posted a thought called "In Between" at which time I stated our great need for God to provide for us in many ways if we were to become the church God is calling us to become. So, I thought I'd give an update.
We still have so very far to go and the opportunity before us is incredible! However, the last 14 months have been amazing. We have seen God provide competent passionate people, abundant resources, and favor in this community beyond what we could have hoped for in this timeframe. It is so exciting!
So, even though we still have a ton of needs ahead of us, I want to at least pause and celebrate what God has done thus far. I realize that I am having the opportunity to participate in something special and I am truly honored to be part of it.
If you ever find yourself in the best college town in America on a Sunday morning, come by and take part in the fun!

Beautifully Chosen

I am bit unique in that I've really not had much experience with girls in my life. My parents were divorced when I was about 5, I have no sisters, no girl cousins, and I have only two boys as children. Bonnie is really the primary girl that God has put in my life and I am blown away by how much better a man I am as a result of her presence.
So, I am well aware that my life would be so much more rich and full if I had a daughter. I have wanted this for some time now and we just haven't gotten pregnant again. Well all along the way, I have had these crazy thoughts about adoption. I feel like it would be such an amazing adventure to welcome a child who has no home into ours and make her our own. To treat her like the princess she was made to be and to help her experience the love-rich home environment that her heart longs for. So, we have decided to do just that. We are pursuing international adoption from China and we are so very excited.
We're just getting started in the process and it's a very long and expensive one, but I am fully convinced that the reward at the end of this journey will be more than worth it.
What would it be like to be left all alone? What if you had no mother or father who knew you intimately? What if no one made you feel like a special unique individual, but rather you were just part of a crowd of the unwanted? How would you manage those feelings?
Then, what if someone went through months and months of hard work and preparation and thousands of dollars of expense to seek you out? What if they prayed and prayed for you and then traveled thousands of miles, leaving everything else behind, just to welcome you? What if they worked ahead of time to prepare a place for you so you would feel warm and special? How would you manage those feelings?
This is the journey our family is starting. We welcome you to share it with us!

Fear or Courage

If God chooses to allow this, I’m aware that one day my two precious little boys
will grow up and leave my home as men. They will walk out our door for the last time and enter their new world. In a really good book I’m reading “Raising a Modern Day Knight” Robert Lewis asks the appropriate question “what will they leave with?” I’m assuming they will drive off in a car and most likely have some possessions in that car, but what will be in them? Will they know what it means to be a man and will they be adequately equipped to live it out?

He defines a man as someone who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and lives for the greater reward. There is so much good stuff in this definition, but the one I am focusing on is “leads courageously.” I’m aware that courage isn’t possible apart from fear. Courage is the choice to do the right thing when we’re afraid. The dictionary says it this way “The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.” Much of my life I’ve been tempted to believe that being courageous is living without fear, but that’s a huge misunderstanding.

This is so important to me because I’m coming to realize more and more clearly the kind of battles I face on a daily basis as a man. One of my huge battles is the barrage of fears and lies I face that essentially say “God will not come through for you here” or “this situation will be really hard and uncomfortable and you won’t be able to stand up under it.” I face these lies in so many ways on so many days. Once I begin to listen to these lies I am then tempted to fall for the next lie which says “You’re only chance to keep this from happening is to get in control and manipulate things. Since God isn’t going to come through for you here you’d better get things under control.”

Oh how these lies have impacted my life! Far too much for my life has been lived in the state of stress that a person feels when they are trying to control something they can’t. It’s the same stress a person feels who is betting on a sporting event. They are doing their best to “will” their team to victory, but it’s of no use. No amount of internal pressure will cause their team to do anything. Jesus said it this way “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span?” The answer is “no one!”

So, not only have I lived too much of my life believing the lie that “God won’t come through for me.” But while I believe it I often make terrible decisions. I am so sad to say that countless times I have made dumb decisions under the delusion that I needed to be in control. As a matter of fact, I would go as far as to say that I don’t think I’ve ever made a godly wise decision while I was believing that “I need to be in control.”

I am so very thankful for the truth Jesus stated “the truth will set you free.” I need the truth to reign in my mind. I know the lies will continue to battle against me as long as I’m on this earth. I know I will even be afraid at times. I’m just praying that I can model at least one element of manhood (leading courageously) for my incredible little boys. I pray they will be able to say, “I grew up with a dad who courageously chose to believe the truth in the midst of a battle of lies.”

Not as strong as I thought

One of the things I’ve prided (key word) myself on over the last 10 years has been my consistent ability to turn off my work and go home to my family. I’m thankful to say that I am the kind of guy who made it through graduate school without killing my marriage. We actually loved our time in seminary – we played on sports teams, watched ER, and even went to movies (when we could afford it). Then when I got into the working world I kept to my guns. I loved working at North Point. I had a great role in the equipping department. It was a blast to see so much life change and get to be part of such an incredible organization. My boss actually encouraged me to “cheat at work.” So as we started a family I showed up in the driveway like clockwork at 5pm and rarely went back out for evening ministry. I was the model husband (at least in one area :-)

So, as we took on this new church-planting endeavor obviously I planned to keep up my “winning ways” in this area of life. I’m sure I even bragged about it at some time. Let’s circle back around to that “p” word in the first sentence. The book of Proverbs (18.12) says, “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud.” I don’t really like the word downfall as it relates to my life, but in this area it’s accurate. As I reflect on an incredible year of ministry I have so very much to celebrate, but one of the things I lament is my shortcoming in this key area of my life.

(Here come the excuses) For the first time I’ve had wifi in my house and I have a cell phone with email capabilities. Needless to say each of them have had a significant workout in this past year. Most importantly I dug a bit of hole with my family this year. I non-verbally communicated to them that they were 2nd place in my life. This breaks my heart to recognize. This is a message I never want my family to hear.

It all came to a demoralizing climax recently when my dad had my two boys for the day. My 5-year-old son said “papa, I want a Batman computer for Christmas.” Dad said, “why.” My son replied, “So I can work on my computer like Daddy. He works on his computer all the time and I want to be able to work with him.” My dad shared this with me and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I already knew I was a bit out of bounds in this area, but this comment from my ever so moldable son confirmed my fear. I have been cheating my family for the sake of my “ministry” this year. It would be very easy to spiritualize this situation and say I was doing it for the sake of the gospel, but I really don’t think that’s the case. I think I’ve checked emails, returned calls, and worked on things from home so I can build a successful church that will make me look impressive to those around me. There is no doubt that I love God and the people of Athens. I desperately want to help them come into a real relationship with Jesus Christ. However, at the same time I battle the temptation to build an impressive church for the sake of my ego. I’m like every other man who attempts to build a kingdom to prove he’s valuable and “has what it takes.” I think this is what has driven me to cheat my family in 2005 and this makes me really sad. Essentially I’m recognizing that I sacrificed my family this year to some degree on the altar of my sense of self-worth. I hate saying it like this because it sounds so bad, but it is completely true.

I know starting a business is hard for anyone and I know that the move to senior leadership is a demanding transition in any professional arena. I also know that I didn’t totally abandon my family. But I know I didn’t communicate the message I want to send. So, this year I will pray that God will lead me victoriously in this area of my life. I pray my family will hear loudly and clearly that they are my number one priority.